How Does Trauma Impact on Your Self Worth? Are You Punishing Yourself? ( Part 3 of ‘ Surviving In a Spiritual/Emotional Wilderness’)

What Does Trauma Look Like in Reality?

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Last week, in How the Trauma of Rejection Contributes to Life Falling Apart. Part 2 of my ‘How to Survive in A Spiritual Wilderness’ Series. I shared the devastating moment when the father of my unborn child rejected both her and I just a few weeks in to the pregnancy with the immortal lines:

‘Well that’s fucked everything up. I was about to tell you that I’ve been seeing somebody else and I want to marry her.”

 

Later followed by:man-talking-on-the-phone-1582238_1920

 

 

” I don’t want to know what it is or when it is born. I don’t want any photos.”

 

 

 

I briefly alluded to the terror that washed through me with these words, particularly the latter ones, as I realised that the total responsibility for my unborn child’s welfare lay on my  shoulders.

I was so stunned by his chilling potion of cold hearted rejection.

When we are impacted so profoundly on an internal level, how does it show itself in our external world?

A Most Defining Moment.

That avalanche of  terrifying rejection became one of the defining moments of my life.

Something in me changed forever but, of course, I wasn’t aware of that at the time. It has taken many years to realise the detrimental impact those few seconds of rejection were to have on my life.

At the moment of traumatic impact we become numb. Natures way of protecting us.  As, however, the numbness wears off,  excruciating pain kicks in and we become only too aware of the many shattered emotions flailing around within us.

Initially, I didn’t have time to worry about that. Like anyone suffering the impact of a traumatic experience, there often isn’t time in the immediate aftermath to deal with those emotions. Attention and energy is required to survive the incident relating to the trauma.

In my case, I had to place all of my attention in to preparing for the baby. There were practical matters to attend to. So that’s what I did. Focussed on the practical requirements for my child alongside ensuring that, even though she was still in my womb, she was receiving the most stable emotional and psychological start in life from me possible – no matter how wobbly I felt.

When Time Catches Up With You.

Yet there comes, of course, a time where it all catches up with us. The range of suppressed emotions lurking under the surface, dragging us silently down on the inside whilst we fight so hard to keep a brave face on the outside.  

 

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As I lay in my bed, following my breakdown, ( How To Survive in a Spiritual Wilderness When Life Has Fallen Apart. Part 1.),  the emotional and practical carnage that had been left in the wake of  the rejection by  my child’s father, I could see all too clearly what had happened.

Rejecting Myself.

In those few seconds that he’d triggered something in me which caused me to reject myself.

With any rejection comes shame. When shame washes over you so many other factors come in to play: loss of confidence, sense of failure, guilt, self blame and loathing. This is all compounded by a game of punishment we can play with ourselves, isolating ourselves from others which then leads to deep loneliness and then, of course, depression.

I became an expert at all of these things. Blaming myself. Punishing myself.

I forgot that I was still a living, breathing and functioning person with needs, wants and desires. That I had rights, tastes and preferences.

I was so cross with myself for ‘choosing’ such a spineless man to be the father of my child and for letting my child down in this way, that I had entered in to a pattern of self punishment and denial where I was not allowed to feel good about myself or my life in any way.

I’m jumping ahead of myself here a little as there is so much more to the story of my breakdown but it feels right to bring this in now because, if you are reading this because you are in the midst of a breakdown,  I want you to explore this self-loathing notion and to check that you aren’t doing this to yourself.  

Are You Punishing Yourself?

How much responsibility for the situation you find yourself in have you placed upon your own shoulders rather than sharing the responsibility with all the relevant parties?

Was there some moment/second where you subconsciously decided that you needed to be punished for these events taking place in your life?

Was there a moment when you, again, subconsciously decided that you had got something so wrong that you needed to be punished for it and the only person capable of truly punishing yourself well enough was – actually and ironically, yourself?

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We can do this to ourself in seconds. It only takes a second in time for a switch to be turned on inside us that changes the course of how we are with ourselves and others.

 

 

 

 

This took me a long time to work out and, to be honest, I’m still a ‘recovering self punisher’. I’m still on the journey of trying to believe that I am allowed nice things in life again.

It took my childs father probably no less than sixty seconds to utter those words to me yet 14 years on, I’m still recovering from the devastating impact I allowed them to have on my personal well-being and self-esteem.

Why?

Why had  I let myself take responsibility for the appalling actions of one man to penetrate so harshly in to my own psyche and well-being?

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Discovering the answer to that question was to lead me back many years.

To the summer of 1977 when I was just 12 years old. I’ll be sharing that story in a future blog. For now it’s enough to know that when we experience incidents in adulthood that affect us deeply and traumatically, it can sometimes be because we have not yet healed a terrible experience that was reaped upon us in our innocent youth.

 

 

 

 

 

But first, I need to tell you what happened next with my baby. About her birth. About what came next. I’ll be sharing that with you in my next blog.

Until then, wishing you peace,  self nourishing love and tranquility.

Karen xxx

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Karen is a #1 Best Selling Author & Spiritual Healer who runs on-line and live wilderness retreats for adults who are in the midst of their own spiritual wilderness so that that they can re-claim their joy and purpose in life.

She is currently writing the book: The Love Millionaire – Cultivating the Art of Inner Richness.

To find out more about Karen, visit: About Karen!

To work with Karen, visit: Work With Karen

To connect on Facebook, visit: https://www.facebook.com/thelovemillionaire/

To connect on Twitter, visit: https://twitter.com/karen_packwood

Email Karen at karenpackwood@gmail.com

© No part of this blog may be reproduced without the written permission of the author.

Karen would like to thank her daughter for giving permission to publish the story of her birth within this blog series.

 

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My Life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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How To Survive in a Spiritual Wilderness When Life Has Fallen Apart. Part 1.

Dictionaries define the words wilderness, spiritual and falling apart thus: 

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Wilderness:  ” … a wild and uncultivated region, as of forest or desert, uninhabited or inhabited only by wild animals; a tract of wasteland…” (1)

Spiritual:   “… relating to deep feelings and beliefs …” (2) 

Falling Apart: “… to lose one’s emotional or mental composure…” (3)

Once, however, you’ve found  yourself ‘fallen apart’  in the midst of a spiritual wilderness,  you know that, in reality, these  descriptions are tame. In fairness, it’s hard to find the right words or phrases to describe the living hell that is at the heart of a true spiritual wilderness. For me, the one word that comes close to summing it up is: bereft.

Bereft: … feeling great loss … a sense of deprivation or lack… ” (4)

But even that doesn’t quite get to the nub of it.

Those of you that have been there will know exactly what I mean.


I first, consciously, found myself in the heart of a spiritual wilderness ten years ago following a massive breakdown.

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shame, weakness, failure …

In the middle of one dark February night, I awoke and fell apart. Quite literally shattered in to smithereens. My life was about to change course – drastically. 

Forever. 

For the better.

Of course, I didn’t know that then. All I knew then was that I was completely unable to function. As the lone mother of a young toddler, I should have been terrified. How on earth was I going to cope?

Interestingly, I wasn’t terrified. I was too broken and numb to know what I was feeling or thinking. I wasn’t thinking or feeling. I wasn’t even being.

For the first six months of that period, I did nothing but sleep. I even had to move in to a relatives home in order to be cared for.

I have absolutely no memory of those six comotosed months.

What I do remember is waking up, the sensation of ‘coming too’.

 

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the black hole …

 

Unable to open my eyes, I lay there, simply sensing what was going on within me.

It was my legs that caught my fleeting attention first with their weak weight against the mattress. I knew that there was no strength in them to move. 

 This awareness was followed by my first thought in over six months:

‘ My life will never be the same again.’

It came in rapidly, as thoughts do, leaving just as quickly. Washed away by a tsunami of terror that crashed through me, reaping destruction on every shred of my confidence and former life along the way.

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complete and utter overwhelm…

How would I be able to survive this inner natural disaster ?

I had a young child to care for. I had myself to care for yet here I was – utterly broken.

The tsunami was swiftly followed by  bleak depression which became an unwelcome resident within me, an unwanted partner in crime on what was to be a long, lonely and lost pathway within my own inner wilderness.

It’s a good job that I didn’t know then that I was going to be walking on that desolate road for several years. It might, however, have helped me to know that I would, one day, look back and be so deeply grateful to have had the rich gifts of that journey.

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blood, sweat and tears..

For it was on that journey, where I often felt as if I were dying or yearned to die, that I came back to life. I was re-born and reconnected with a part of myself that had died a long time ago. Way before the actual breakdown occurred.

Sometimes I wonder if it wasn’t so much that something had died, more like I just hadn’t given birth to the part of myself that was to come to life while I walked what I now describe as:  The Wilderness Way.

So what did come to life? What did I give birth to?

The answer is quite simple.

I gave birth to my life as I am truly meant to be living it.

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when the smile finally returned….

I gave birth to freedom of self, to honouring my true needs, to understanding my true worth and value, to appreciating my self-esteem, to acknowledging my gifts and how I want to express them in the world from a stance that is perfect for my own highest well being. I gave birth to the rhthym in which I wish to live my life.

You see, I had to reach a point of breakdown. I was so far removed from who I truly was that I just couldn’t function any more. We are not born to live false, dead lives. What is the point in that? We are born to live according to our own precious uniqueness. We are here to have fun and to laugh – a lot. We are here to adventure with ourselves – taking delight in all that we are capable of. We are born to get to know ourselves on every level. We are born to be, quite simply, happy. On our own terms. For the greater good of all.

When you are in the wilderness, you might feel like the most lonely and lost person in the world, yet all you are really doing is embarking of a journey of discovery. You are on the pathway back to finding yourself. Behind every tree or under each moss laden rock, there is a part of you to re-claim. On the bank of each wild river there is a  ‘you’ who is eager to swim courageously to the other side to meet a brand new part of your self.  Beside each roaring fire, there is part of you ready to re-ignite your life in so many exciting ways. Under each full moon, there is part of you ready to sit in peace and silence, knowing with surety that you did what you came here to do.

‘But Karen,’ I hear you ask, ‘I have a yearning for this way of living but I haven’t had a breakdown,  yet I feel so lost. I want to feel these things you describe. I want the courage to swim that river and to feel the peace under the moon. I  want to sit by that fire and re-ignite my life.

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Are You Doing What You Came Here to Do?

Do you have to have had a breakdown in order to feel as if you are living in a wilderness?’

The answer is simple:

No.

You do not have to have suffered an horrific breakdown to find yourself in the wilderness.

The wilderness will reveal itself in different ways to different people.

For some, like myself, it came as a dramatic occurrence, manifesting as a long-lasting debilitating illness of some kind whilst, for others, it can be a more subtle, nagging ‘knowing’ that all is not well. You know, where you find yourself sighing a lot or having that ‘ there must be more to life than this’ thought regularly.

Take my advice. This is the time to act. Those sighs and thoughts are clear indicators that part of you is living in the wilderness, where many aspects of your life are depleted, malnourished or out of balance and where you have a yearning and knowing that all is not as it is meant to be. They are clear signs that your life essence is calling out to you, screaming:

‘Come back to who you were always meant to be.’

I didn’t listen to those signs. I was too busy living life at too fast a pace, giving way too much to others, ignoring my self and, quite frankly, just too ignorant to even know that those sighs and yearnings were internal gifts trying to nudge me in the right direction. I urge you – don’t be like me. After all, look how I ended up. Seriously ill and at a place where it has taken years to recover.

Then I hear your next question:

‘How Karen? How do you do it? How do you recover from a breakdown? How do you pull yourself out of depression? What do you do with that ‘ there must be more to life than this feeling?’ 

I’d love to tell you that there is a simple and easy answer to these questions but the truth is, there isn’t. And I’m not going to lie to you.

My recovery from my breakdown and depression has been one of the hardest, loneliest and most terrifyingly complex experiences of my life. It has destroyed me on the inside and crumpled my life on the outside. It has been a long slow crawl back to life. 

But it has been worth it.

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joyful fun with my daughter!

I am genuinely happier than I have ever been before.      

 

Ultimately, my breakdown liberated me. 

I have rarely spoken (or written) in depth about my journey of recovery, mainly due to the fact that it’s taken all my effort to just do the work I needed to do to come to a place of wellness again.

Another contributory factor is that behind any breakdown there are, often, deeply personal and traumatic experiences that can be painful to re-visit. It’s desirable to deal with those and move on. 

 Now, however, due to the interest demonstrated by readers of some of my recent blogs, I’ve decided to devote my writing this year to telling the story of my recovery – in the hope that it might help others who are living with the horror and terror of such a difficult experience.

 I shall be posting these experiences on this blog on alternate weeks. If you would like to follow my story of recovery, please feel free to follow me here. 

In my next blog, I shall be sharing the heart-rending story of one of the key life changing events that triggered my descent in to my breakdown, casting me in to my own spiritual wilderness, leading me in to the heart of The Wilderness Way. 

 If you are struggling to survive in your own spiritual wilderness, please know that I am sending you love, strength and courage. I urge you to believe that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I hope my sharing my story and, more importantly, how I dug my way to recovery, helps you do the same. In the meantime, you might find these two articles that i wrote at the end of last year helpful:

1: How My Breakdown Helped Me to Learn to Trust my Inner Wisdom

2: 4 Nourishing Ways to Cope With Falling Apart.

Remember: ” … the greatest adventure is the journey of our own transformation once we begin to honour our truth…” (Karen Packwood – The Love Millionaire).

Sending You Much Much Love,

Karen

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Karen is a #1 Best Selling Author & Spiritual Healer who runs on-line and live wilderness retreats for adults who are in the midst of their own spiritual wilderness so that that they can re-claim their joy and purpose in life. 

She is currently writing the book: The Love Millionaire – Cultivating the Art of Inner Richness. 

To find out more about Karen, visit: About Karen!

To work with Karen, visit: Work With Karen

To connect on Facebook, visit:  https://www.facebook.com/thelovemillionaire/

To connect on Twitter, visit:    https://twitter.com/karen_packwood

Email Karen at karenpackwood@gmail.com

 

© No part of this blog may be reproduced without the written permission of the author. 

 

 

 

One Vital Reason to Feel Grateful For Your Life Today.

Morning Message from Spirit:

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‘You may be just one drop in the ocean but, if you weren’t there, the ocean would not be complete.’

Treasure your precious uniqueness today – all the special gifts in that medicine bundle of your soul that make you, and all that you bring in to the world because of those special gifts, you.

Take a moment to pause and ask yourself:

What special gift of mine am I honouring today?

How am I going to share that with the world?

Why is it important to me to do this?

How do I hope to help others?

Today, I choose to honour my gift of bringing Spirit’s work in to the world to help and support people create transformations in their life that bring deep healing, release of suffering and movement towards freedom and expanse in life. 

I do this as I have witnessed so many times the value of this work for my clients. The mountainous shifts that occur in people’s live, emotionally, physically, psychologically, financially, and much more besides, when they honour their own img_3398unique preciousness by stepping on to their personal pathway of healing. 

I do this as I know the results of my own journey of transformation after I  chose to let go of a life that no longer served me and found the courage, and wisdom, to honour a life that does. 

I have come to see the benefits of doing this many times over. 

This is what I value seeing in my clients. 

What an honour and privilege it is to be able to say that I am living a life that feels whole, valuable, rich and precious. A life full of purpose. A life with dignity and integrity. A life full of authenticity. Perhaps even a purity. 

What a precious gift it is to see my clients strip away all that no longer serves them, like discarding an old shabby, misshapen cardigan to reveal a new part of themselves appearing as if adorned with jewels and colourful silks. 

So, yes. Today, and everyday, I choose to honour this gift. 

And you? Did you decide yet?

What gift are you going to honour in this world today?

What will that look like?

How will it serve others?

Pause.                  img_3136

Breath. 


Check in with yourself. 

See what gift appears.

Now go and honour it. 

 Then, when you have completed your day, take time to pause once more. To reflect on this gift with gratitude. Take a moment to acknowledge the joy and love that you will have brought in to the world, for yourself and for all those you touched with this gift. 

And know that it is true: 

 

You may be just one drop in in the ocean but, if you weren’t there, the ocean would not be complete.

And that is why you must be grateful today. Because, quite simply,  you matter.

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If you would like the opportunity to take some time to strip away the burdens of everyday life so that you can reconnect with your own unique gifts, I invite you to sign up for my magical  ‘Spirit Spa Special’, a two hour, on-line, mini spiritual retreat that takes you on a journey back to the centre of your being so that you will be reminded. and  appreciative of, your value in this world.

My aim is to help you identify at least one new direction in which to take your life so that you feel as if you are living a life full of purpose, integrity, honesty and truth. This will mean that you are stepping closer and closer to living your life at the highest, and most joyful, level possible.

Each mini retreat includes:

A One hour  in-depth clairvoyant reading

+

30 minute Spiritual Healing treatment

+

Chakra Cleanse and Balance

The investment for this is 75GBP/97USD/€85

 ” I arrived feeling empty and exhausted, I left feeling nourished and held.” SJ – Helsinki, Finland.

To ‘sign up’, email:   karenpackwood@gmail.com     or visit: Work With Karen 

Wishing You a Peaceful and Loving Day.

Karen

A Woman Loving Her Soul and Inviting You to Do the Same.

xxx

 

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Karen is a #1 Best Selling Author, Clairvoyant and Spiritual Healer who runs wilderness retreats specialising in healing the wounds of the inner child. Her aim is to help her clients restore broken self esteem so that they can live life at the highest and most joyful level possible.

To find out more about Karen, visit:  About Karen!

To work with Karen, visit: Work With Karen

To connect on Facebook, visit: https://www.facebook.com/thelovemillionaire/

To connect on Twitter, visit: @karen_packwood

 

 

 

How To Bring Light to Your Life This Winter.

A Winter Offering To Nourish Your Soul:

” I arrived feeling empty and exhausted, I left feeling nourished and held.” 

 

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“…I felt reassured…”

 

I’ve recently returned from a week long retreat where, during one meditation, Spirit gave me the following piece of sage advice, so perfect for this crazy time leading up to Christmas and these dark winter days:

‘There has to be room for you in your life.’  

How true that is at such a busy, and dark, time of year?

 

With that in mind, I’m delighted to invite you to explore The Spirit Spa’s winter offering that is full of nourishment, self-care and up-liftment.

 

   

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“‘… I found the whole experience healing …”         

 

Come In.

 

 

Nourish Your Soul.

 

       

 

 

 

 

From November 27th – December 22nd, inclusive, I’m offering, on-line or in-person, the following:

 

A one hour in-depth Clairvoyant Reading

+

  30 minute soul nourishing Spiritual Healing treatment

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“… I arrived feeling empty and exhausted, I left feeling nourished and held.”

+

30 minute chakra cleanse and balance

+

( a little added extra!)

A reading from my ‘ soon to be released’ Angels of the Wildnerness Oracle cards.

+

 

Glögi and Mince Pies for live clients

 

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“…I felt totally at ease, loved, and supported…”

All for the amazing investment of:

 

75 GBP (a saving of 165 GBP!!)/97USD/€85

 

 

 

Testimonials:

Working with Karen was an incredible experience. Her caring comes through completely in her communications. I felt totally at ease, loved, and supported even though we were working via Skype and talking about personal matters. I was amazed when she tapped into some childhood issues that have troubled me throughout my life. She got them exactly right and helped me see how they are connected to a current challenge I’m having. She answered one big question I had without me even asking it. It was about something deeply personal, and she handled it in such a kind manner that I felt supported in letting go of something that I worried would be painful to let go. I left the call feeling very affirmed in knowing what I needed to do as my next steps to take good care of my self.

Stephanie
USA

Karen is a very gifted healer and works at a very deep level safely, working at the pace that was right for me. I wanted to find the blocks getting in the way of my financial goals. She was very patient, caring and creative and was not thrown at all by my attempts to self-sabotage. She has an uncanny ability to hone in on the important stuff and I was amazed at what emerged. If you are also feeling stuck and have no idea why Karen is the woman to go to.

Linda Barbour
UK

For more testimonials, please visit: http://www.thespiritspa.international.

So why not treat yourself, or a friend*, this festive season!

Make some time – just for you – so that you can breeze through the hectic haze of Christmas or, if you don’t celebrate Christmas -just bring some lightness to these dark winter days!

All readings can be done in-person or via Skype/Facetime/Google Hangouts.

To book, email: karenpackwood@gmail.com  and we’ll set up a time to suit you!

Wishing You Peace, Love, Nourishment and Up-liftment during this time of darkness. 

All My Love,

Karen

xxx

 

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Karen is a #1 Best Selling Author, Clairvoyant and Spiritual Healer who runs, on-line or in-person, spiritual retreats for people who feel exhausted, overwhelmed or depleted by life so that they can relax and release tension, bringing a fresh state of peace and calm to their lives.  

To find out more about Karen, visit: About Karen!

To find out more about working with Karen, visit:  Work With Karen

Karen is also:

Co-author of:

‘ 365 Ways To Connect with Your Soul’ – #1 Best Seller on Amazon     12243522_10153296698132945_2086924774713413110_n

*
Co-author of ‘Superwoman Myths’. #1 Best Seller on Amazon.

*

Co-author of ‘365 Days of Grace.’ #1 Best Seller on Amazon.

 

To connect on Facebook, visit: https://www.facebook.com/thelovemillionaire/

To connect on Twitter, visit: @karen_packwood

 

 

* Gift Vouchers available and may be used after Christmas.

How to ‘Joyfully Negotiate’ Rather Than Argue!

The Art of Joyful Negotiation.

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I was giving a couple a clairvoyant reading recently when a brusque, no nonsense relative came through. She was the kind of lady with whom you always knew your place. She had a heart of gold but wouldn’t think twice about giving you short shrift if you needed it. There were no mincing of words in her household and a clip around the ear wouldn’t have been balked at either!

 

She was in the process of sharing some information with my clients when she gave them an instruction that had a very clear phrase attached to it:

 

joyful negotiation.

 

She told them to write this phrase on their fridge as a constant reminder to always ‘negotiate joyfully’!

 

My clients and I talked about it briefly after the session, all agreeing that it was a much nicer phrase than ‘arguing’ and a more positive way of approaching difficult issues in a relationship. To be given permission to joyfully negotiate, rather than argue, immediately creates a sense of ease and comfort around any difficult issue. It suggests support, care, openness – a willingness to be heard and to hear. To come from a place of love rather than a place of defence or blame! It even suggests that it might be fun!

 

Doesn’t it sound a whole lot nicer than:

 

                                                                       “ We need to talk!’

 Or:        angry-man-274175_1280

 

“ Why do you always …..etc”

 

You know the kind of thing. Criticism. Blame. Defensive behaviour.

 

I think this lady who came through had a message for us all. Let’s stop arguing, blaming, criticizing those we love (or anybody really) and let’s joyfully negotiate!

 

This lovely, down-to-earth, lady also had a more serious message to impart.

 

It was about having the courage to speak your truth. To not hide your feelings or your true desires. There is no point hiding who we truly are or what we truly want in life. There is no point in squashing ourself in any way, shape or form.    

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 We only harm ourselves in the long run and, actually, we harm those we love and our relationships with them. If we are not being authentic, we prevent them from being authentic. We prevent our relationships from being authentic. We prevent growth and expansion. We prevent joy and love flowing freely.

 

So, let’s listen to the words of this wise loved one in Spirit.

 

Let’s all promise ourselves that we will no longer stifle our true feelings, squash whatever is in our hearts or stunt the growth of our love in this world. Let’s open our hearts to sharing our truths with those we love, and the world, as honestly yet kindly, as we possibly can.

 

As we enter in to these conversations with our loved ones, let’s open our hearts to listen, hear, speak and exchange opinions from a stance of joyful negotiation and deepest love!

 

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Thank you so much to this beautiful lady in Spirit for bringing this message forward and to my clients who agreed to let me share this phrase from their reading with you.

 

If you would like to connect with Spirit via a clairvoyant reading with me to see what their magical guidance for your life might be, please visit my Work With Karen page where you will find out about a great ‘Winter Wonder Triple Treat’ that I am offering or email: karenpackwood@gmail.com. 

Sending You Much Love,

Happy ‘ Joyful Negotiating’!

Karen

xxx

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Karen is a #1 Best Selling Author, Clairvoyant and Spiritual Healer runs wilderness retreats  specialising in healing the wounds of the inner child.  Her aim is to help her clients restore broken self esteem so that they can live life at the highest and most joyful level possible.

 

To find all about Karen, please visit:   About Karen!

To work with Karen, please visit:   Work With Karen

Join her Facebook book page:

Follow her on twitter: @karen_packwood

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How My Breakdown Helped Me to Learn to Trust my Inner Wisdom

If You Were to Love Yourself Today, What Would You Do?

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 Many people who suffer from anxiety induced indecision, and fear, find it impossible to trust their own wisdom,  especially if they’ve experienced years of having their needs and desires undermined or demeaned. However, with practice, it can be done and life can be a whole lot brighter because of it, so it’s worth persevering.

 So, How Can This Be Tackled?

 How do you learn to trust your own wisdom?

I have to be honest, it’s not easy initially. I first had to begin learning to consciously connect with, and trust, my own wisdom following a breakdown.  I was so physically, spiritually, emotionally and mentally shattered by this experience that I lost complete faith in myself.                                   

girl-sits-1707993_1920Whilst these were the internal features of my breakdown, there were also compounding external factors that further knocked my decision making confidence. As I had to leave my job,  I fell in to debt causing me to then have to sell my home.  As a lone parent, with a young toddler in tow, it was a pretty dark and rocky time. I was terrified  of ‘getting things wrong’ – not just for myself but also for my daughter.

 

 As it happens, I did get things wrong. Plenty of things.

 

Most of the things I got wrong were due to the fact that, in those early stages of recovery,  I wasn’t able to listen to, or hear, my inner wisdom. Or have the courage to follow it. At the time, counselling or therapeutic support was financially unviable for me so I had to find my way out of the tunnel on my own.  

 

It was then that I began a long, yet natural and organic, journey to recovery where it was clear that I had to live life at a much slower pace.     

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One day, as I settled in to this new rhythm, a simple yet profound question, came to my mind. A question that was to change my life:

 

If I were to love myself today, what would I do?

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 How Do You Answer This Question When You’re Lacking In Confidence?

I’d like to share with you my simple rituals that I used back then, and still use today, to answer the question.  It’s nothing original or new. I didn’t invent it. I guess it’s a fusion of my buddhist practice and how my  natural healing process was guiding me at the time but it did help me to alleviate my terror, calm my anxiety and bring peace to my soul at a time when I was in black turmoil. I share it with you in the hope that it brings you support and comfort.

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Connecting with Your Inner Wisdom.

If You Were to Love Yourself Today, What Would You do?

Make a Conscious Decision to Live Slowly – Even If It’s  For One Hour per Week.

 If you live a fast paced life, create time and space within each week to be slow. I don’t mean slumped in front of the TV with a bottle of wine and some chocolate,  I mean, consciously slow.  Turn this in to a sacred time and place to honour your own highest well being. Then, spending some time alone in this slow time, try some of the following:                     

                                      Spend Time in Nature.  

 stag-768568_1920I can’t tell you  strongly enough how healing nature was for me. I often think I walked my way back to wellness and have some special memories of these walks. However, I didn’t just walk during the day, often I walked as dawn was breaking or under the moonlit midnight sky. These magical times helped remind me of the beauty and wonder in life. 

 

Meditation.

Following my walk, I would then come to a place of peaceful meditation. Just sitting quietly with my eyes closed and my body resting. As my body settled, I would breath slowly, gently and calmly. Then, in this quiet place, surrounded by nature, I would:

                                                         Listen to My Body.
water-1703257_1920As my body rested peacefully, I would ask the question:

 If I were to love myself today, what would I do?

 

 And then wait.

For all the turmoil  or extraneous thoughts to flow away.

They usually do.  

With practice, the right answer appears to you.

 

 

 

It sounds so easy but, in the beginning, it isn’t.

 So why are these rituals important?

 Because they lead to peaceful, calm happiness in life.

 Is my life perfect now? Absolutely not. Do I still have days where I’m grumpy and fed up?  Yes, of course. Do I still get frustrated. For sure! Do I still struggle to make decisions. Yes. Sometimes.

 But, more and more, as I continue to follow these rituals, and listen to my inner wisdom, my life moves towards a peaceful and gentle happiness that I never knew before. For that, I will always be grateful.

I hope it is the same for you.

Please let me know if you try these rituals and ask yourself the question. I’d love to know what answers came to you and if you managed to honour the answer! If so, what happened?! Please share in the comments box below or email me at karenpackwood@gmail.com

Sending You Much Love,

Karen.

xxx xxx

cropped-l_0143441.jpgKaren is a #1 Best Selling Author and Spiritual Healer specialising in healing the wounds of the inner child following childhood trauma with the aim to restore self esteem to the highest and most joyful level possible.

 

To find all about Karen, please visit:

https://wordpress.com/page/thelovemillionaire.com/1

To work with Karen, please visit:

https://thelovemillionaire.com/work-with-karen/

Join her Facebook book page:

Follow her on twitter:

You can also email Karen at karenpackwood@gmail.com

As I Grow Older, I Grow Happier.

 

” The Way to Success is to Follow Your Heart.”  (Anon)

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Dear Reader,

Please remember that tonight it is the full moon.

The Harvest Moon.

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This evening it is also an eclipse, so very very special.

Next week, it’s the equinox.

Time to begin preparing for the Autumn.

Autumn:  Harvest. Gathering in. Reaping what you have sown.

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A time of gratitude for all abundances  received throughout the year.

A time of celebration of all achievements attained.

Preparing for the time of bedding down for the winter, of coming back in to ourselves to re-stock our inner resources. To sit in peace with the land over the winter months. Before we do that, however, we are given the autumn where we are allowed to discard old skins and outworn aspects of our lives.

A time of reflection.

A magical, magical time where we are surrounded by golden colours and deep russet reds. Magical, magical,  as magical as the golden sun and leaves that meld together for a while autumn-1507954_1920until fading away in to wintertime where the sun still shines but in a more gentle manner.

I wonder what you are grateful for this year?

What wonderful gifts have come your way that perhaps you have taken for granted?

I know that I can forget so easily each little triumph or step forward or moment of joy.

I can also forget the gifts in the tears and the endings. The richness in the conflicts. The learning that came along. I can forget where I was at this time last year and see how much more serene I am, how I have grown more contentedly in to my own skin.

As I grow older, I grow happier.

Which is strange as I had presumed for so long that it would the opposite.

I am stronger now to ask for what I want, to be honest with myself about what I need. I have no qualms about reaching for it. No fear about letting go of anything that does not serve my highest self. It becomes easier and easier the older I become.

I am, in my ageing process, becoming stronger not weaker.

I am grateful for the role of my little one within in all of this.

child-1347388_1280By listening to her,  I have been able to grieve, heal and transform so much until I finally  came back to a sense of oneness with my self as I am now, as I have always been. I have been led to a pathway of  finding joy within my elder self by holding the hand, and being guided by, my younger self. How amazing is that?

What a rich gift.

I feel so grateful that this is the work I do in this world.  Teaching people how to hold their own hands so that they can come back in to a place of oneness with their true self – their true harmonious self – where they are connected with their own deep inner peace, courage and contentment. 

Back to the tranquility, wonder and magic of  early childhood. But in an adult way.

People talk about magical childhoods.

I’m interested in helping people to create magical adulthood.

As I write, however, I am also aware of areas of neglect. How I have areas of my life that can become malnourished if I don’t attend to them. I can forget to socialise with people which feeds me greatly, I can forget to spend time in the woods, I can forget to eat nourishing foods and even, on occasions, to get enough sleep. All the basic things. I can be very good at forgetting them.

My intention on this full moon, as I prepare for the equinox, is to spend some time creating a nourishing autumnal schedule for myself that feeds all of me, not just part of me.

How about you?

What is your reflection on this past year so far?

What are you grateful for?

 What malnourished part of your life  do you wish to feed?

Spend some time with the stunning moon this evening, drinking in the magnificent energy and listening to the whispers of your own heart.

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Live in peaceful serenity between now and the equinox and prepare yourself for releasing of all that no longer serves you  so that, as winter sets in, you can begin to sow the seeds of new growth.   

Please feel free to share, in the comment section below, what you are grateful for during this harvest time and how you would like to bring further nourishment in to your life. I would love to know.

Sending You All Much Love,

Karen xx

” Sometimes, the most profound adventures lie within us and the greatest journey is the journey of our own transformation once we begin to honour our truth.”

Karen Packwood – The Love Millionaire ( to be published in 2017)

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Karen is a #1 Best Selling Author and Spiritual Healer specialising in healing the wounds of the inner child following childhood trauma with the aim to restore self esteem to the highest and most joyful level possible.

To work with Karen, please visit: https://thelovemillionaire.com/work-with-karen/

Follow her on twitter: https://twitter.com/karen_packwood

Join her Facebook book page: https://www.facebook.com/thelovemillionaire/

You can also email Karen on karenpackwood@gmail.com

xxx

How to Move From Fear to Confidence.

Breaking Free from The Prison of Upper Limiting Beliefs and Habits.

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I had an insight about upper limiting beliefs and habits. You know – all those fears & terrors, anxieties & confusions that prevent us from embracing our big dreams and feelings of joy, keeping us trapped in gloom and frustration. Even perhaps, when the going gets really tough, sucking us in to a well of  overwhelming depression.

It wasn’t so much a new insight, more a magnification of something I already know. Something in to which I’m continuously re-learning and expanding.

The Insight:

Upper limiting beliefs and habits are always there.

Will always be there.

Perhaps they’re even helpful prompts to keep us moving in the ‘right’ direct as we seem to bump up against them each time we try to move on or up.

I’ve been up against some forceful ones over the last few weeks, mainly in the form of sheer terror which feels like it’s pinning me down to the ground with a large wooden stake.

I’ve found myself wondering:

Is this actually wise guidance warning me against an action that I was hoping to take in my life or is it a limiting belief that I should deal with like a crusader entering in to battle- determined to vanquish this particular foe?

I generally answer this question by listening to the wisdom of my body.nude-1403269_1920

I breath in to it to see what advice it has for me over these debilitating feelings.

Nearly always, it’s a fear of some kind that’s holding me back, pulling me down, ruining the pleasure of my current experience.

Nearly always, it can be traced back to an event in my past, a memory stored that comes unconsciously to life, silently screaming at me: ‘Don’t do it – don’t take that step forward – stay here where it’s nice and safe. It might feel miserable but at least it’s safe.’

Nearly always, I find myself in a period of inner struggle as I decipher the messages and feelings – bringing consciousness to the unconscious.

 Eventually, however, after lots of breathing and deep trusting, a shift occurs.

An awareness.  A new awakening.

A tiny shunt of movement forward, of growth.

I ‘get it’– what the fear is all about. Why the messages  looping around in my mind were trying to keep me locked where I no longer wished to be.

Often, all it takes is one tiny moment of awareness for a giant adjustment to fall in to place, usually accompanied with a sense of relief and enlightenment.That one tiny moment, however, might have taken weeks of work in the darkness, in blindness, in fear, confusion and distrust. Or in grief and sorrow. 

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Mining Into The Dark Caves of My Soul.

Unearthing these insights can be like mining in the dark caves of my soul. Laborious and relentless labouring within until a chink of light finally appears. As that one chink of light arrives, the whole wall of terror can tumble down and pure awareness creeps in, a clear light shines the way forward and I can breath again,walk again, no longer frozen on the pathway of my own life.

Sometimes, I hate those times in the darkness. Those lonely hours spent wondering if this is ‘it’ – have I become permanently stuck on my own journey? Yet time after time I have been shown that I never am – that light always follows the dark. That there is sunshine after rain. There is breath after breathlessness.There is courage after terror. There is self-belief after self-doubt.

Yes. With this liberation comes trust once more. That all is well. That I am well. That life is well.

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Like the Seasons.

This morning, following one such moment of ‘enlightenment’, I woke up truly connecting with the habitual nature of these limiting beliefs:

As one steps in to the light, one takes another step closer to the next wave of darkness.

As one enters in to the darkness, one moves closer to new light.

Like the  rise and fall of the sun and moon, the ebb and flow of the tides, and the rhythm of the earth and her seasons, there will always be a recurring connection with darkness.  This is only a problem if we haven’t realised that this is how life is meant to be.

We can’t have the light without the dark.

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Living in Alignment with the Dark and the Light. 

 Until we come in to alignment with our light and dark and welcome them both in to our life as cherished guides then we will always be stuck in the type of fear and darkness that can never be shifted.

Perhaps this is the greatest awareness of all.

Light and dark are an essential part of life.  

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The darkness is merely a guide to the light. Darkness is, possibly, one of our best friends, a vital part of our wisdom – leading us from the prison within to freedom.

Finding Wisdom in the Darkness.

 I encourage each and everyone of you to sit with your breath today.  Sit with those dark parts of you, whether it is anger, fear, confusion, terror, panic, anxiety, conflict – however it is showing up in your life today, sit with it and ask:

My friend, what is your wisdom for me today?

What are you trying to teach me?

What are you trying to heal within me?

Where is it you wish for me to go?

What is the light in this situation?

Then listen, with gratitude, to this wisdom – and follow its loving guidance.

I  then invite you to do the same again – only, this time, with your light.

Sit with  your joy, your laughtLiving in Harmony with Your Light – Your Shine.  

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er, your lightness of being, your inner genius, your highest one and ask:

My friend, what is your wisdom for me today?

What are you trying to teach me?

What are you trying to heal within me?

Where is it you wish for me to go?

What is it you wish for me to do?

 Then listen, with gratitude, to this wisdom – and follow.

Don’t be surprised to find that your shine, and your darkness, might both want exactly the same for you!

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A Final Message – Mastering the Darkness.

If you have a history of darkness in your life, suffering from more than your fare share of trauma & grief, depression or sorrow, anxiety and terror, it can become easy to tip in to these feelings when life throws us a curve ball or we step out in to new ventures. But here is something I have learned:

Sometimes we have to ‘master the darkness’.

Sometimes we have to know when to say ‘ enough is enough.’

Sometimes another part of us has to say:

‘ Okay – I can see that you have a message for me so let’s get on and hear it, shall we? I don’t have time to sit around wallowing in old darkness that no longer serves me. Let’s get it up and out. Right here. Right now.’

I admit that this can take some practice.  It becomes easier, however, once you become less afraid of the darkness. Once you realise that it is a friend there to help you. Once you realise that you can be ‘in control’ of it like a good parent rather than letting it control you like a wicked curse.  Ultimately, you are the leader of the pack not the darkness.

It takes practice to believe, understand and to know how to work with but once you have done it a few times, (following the exercises above), it becomes easier and easier –although it doesn’t always feel like that when your in the darkness!

Please trust me:

 It is possible to master the darkness.

If can be done.

Sit tight.

Keep breathing.

And trust.

Darkness is just one half of the scales of your life.

The other half is – light!    flowers-164754_1280

Once you live in alignment with this truth and way of being, you will be on your way to  having broken free of the prison of upper limiting beliefs and habits in order to lose your fear and regain confidence in your life.

I would love to know what wisdom your darkness and/or light  had for you today – what loving advice did it give to you to help you move forward? Please share in the comments below. 

Sending You All Much Love. 

Karen

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Karen is a #1 best selling author,  international clairvoyant & healer specialising in healing the wounds of the inner child following breakdown, trauma or grief in order to restore life to the most joyful place possible.

To work with Karen, visit her ‘Work with Karen’ page:

email: karenpackwood@gmail.com

Visit Karen’s Facebook page: Karen Packwood – The Love Millionaire

or follow her on Twitter: The Love Millionaire@karen_packwood

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” Sometimes, the most profound adventures lie within us and the greatest journey is the journey of our own transformation once we begin to honour our truth.”

Karen Packwood – The Love Millionaire ( to be published in 2017)